


Bucky Barnes and the Tower of Superheroes

by CatrinaSL



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Chamber of Secrets, Domestic Avengers, Gen, Harry Potter References, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-09
Updated: 2016-06-09
Packaged: 2018-07-13 22:43:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7140695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatrinaSL/pseuds/CatrinaSL
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve, Natasha, and Clint sneak out to go save Bucky. They face Darcy's Wrath upon returning.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bucky Barnes and the Tower of Superheroes

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted by tara-the-terrible on tumblr, who said:
> 
> "I think that it'd really be funny if Darcy did a parody of Molly Weasley's speech from the Chamber of Secrets when Fred, George, Ron, and Harry come home with Bucky as Harry, Steve as Ron, and Natasha and Clint as Fred and George."
> 
> And I could not rest until it was written.

Bucky still couldn't believe they'd done it. But they had, and he was sitting in the back of a quinjet with Steve while Natasha and Clint were up front arguing over which one should get to land it.

Steve was telling him how glad he was to see him all in one piece, how long they'd been planning this mission, but Bucky wasn't really listening. He was just happy to be out of that place, happy to be going to a better one.

He knew something was up when the banter in the front of the craft got quieter, dying down to hissed whispers.

"What is it?" Steve wanted to know.

"We're later than we wanted to be," Clint told him.

"It's nearly time for breakfast," Natasha added.

"Oh," Steve breathed. He looked like this was Important News.

"Why is that important?" Bucky asked.

"Well, we... didn't exactly  _ ask _ before we left, just..."

"Did you  _ steal _ a quinjet?"

"Not 'steal,' exactly," Natasha began.

"More like 'borrowed,'" Clint finished.

"It's fine," Natasha decided. "We'll just go down to the common area and it'll be like we all just woke up and all of a sudden, look! Bucky's here!"

"In full tac gear," Clint pointed out, then shrugged. "Okay, but I don't think she'll buy it."

"'She' who?" Bucky wondered.

Steve smiled. "You'll see."

They exited the quinjet and headed down to the residential floor. Natasha and Clint did a quick lookout before waving Steve and Bucky out of the elevator, then raided a basket of muffins that was sitting on the kitchen counter.

Bucky knew Steve was watching as he slowly walked around the room, looking at the discarded plans for a new Hulk deterrent that someone had left scattered all over the coffee table in the living room, the large dartboard on the wall with its matching chalkboard for rankings (with Clint's name at the top), and the pile of yarn sitting on the end of the long dining room table, with what looked like most of an unfinished sweater.

He soaked in the domesticity of it all. Was this really where the Avengers lived?

"It's pretty much nothing like going back home after the war," Steve told him quietly. "But... it's home."

Bucky felt safe for the first time in so long. He smiled at Steve. "It's amazing," he said.

And then something strange happened.

A girl appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, livid. "Where  _ have _ you  _ been _ ?" she demanded.

Natasha, Clint, and Steve all looked suddenly guilty, and Bucky had a feeling it didn't have much to do with the blueberry muffins all three tucked behind their backs.

She gave him a once-over and her demeanor changed. "Bucky, awesome, great to see you here."

Flipping the switch back to Avenger Chastisement, she continued: "Beds empty, no note! Quinjet gone! You could have died! You could've been captured!"

"Of course, I don't blame you, Bucky," she told him, patting his arm.

"They were torturing him, Darce," Steve mumbled, through a mouthful of unauthorized muffin. "He was locked in a dungeon, strapped to a table!"

She pointed at him menacingly. "You best hope I don't put  _ you _ in a dungeon, Steven Grant Rogers," she said.

Steve ducked his head, offering no further argument, and Clint and Natasha stood silently behind him, both looking as though they hoped to avoid a lecture.

"Come on, Bucky, let's get some breakfast in you."

Before he knew it, he was sitting at the dining room table with a plate full of muffins, fresh fruit, some kind of egg and sausage casserole, and all the bacon. The girl, Darcy, just kept piling more on.

"Eat!" she commanded, and smacked Clint's hand when he tried to take a piece. "No bacon for heroes who don't communicate with their team," she told him.

"Darcy, where did you put my cardigan?"

Bucky saw that another woman had wandered in, rubbing one eye like she'd just woken up.

"The last time I saw it, I was rescuing the cat out from underneath it," Darcy replied, enjoying some of Bucky's bacon. "Have you checked under the couch?"

Bucky laughed and the woman blinked at him.

"Hi." He waved at her with his fork.

She didn't respond, just slowly backed away until she had exited the room, then ran off down the hallway.

"W...what did I do?" Bucky wanted to know.

"That's Jane Foster," Steve said. "She's an astrophysicist; Darcy is her assistant. She usually needs a few cups of coffee before she's ready to be social."

"Morning, Avengers!" The greeting came from a Stark; if he wasn't Howard's son, he was probably a clone. Bucky watched him sit down at the head of the table like he owned the place, which he probably did. "I think I nearly blew up the place about nine times last night," he said conversationally.

"Well, maybe you should get some sleep before you head back up," Darcy suggested, shoveling food onto his plate.

He scooted himself up to the table with a satisfied sigh, and his eyes fell on Bucky. "And who are you?"

"Bucky," he replied. "Bucky Barnes."

Stark raised an eyebrow. "Good lord, are you really?" Without waiting for a response, he continued, "Well, Steve's told us all about you. When did you get here?"

"This morning," Darcy supplied, as she poured him coffee. "Your washed up S.H.I.E.L.D. agents flew that quinjet of yours to Siberia and back last night."

"Did you really?" Stark wondered, glancing at Natasha. "How did it go?"

Clint opened his mouth to report, but Darcy smacked Stark's arm.

He immediately changed his tune: "I mean, that was very wrong indeed, team, very wrong of you."

Darcy seemed placated and turned back to the stove, and Bucky saw Natasha grin at Stark.

“So,” Stark began, through a mouthful of eggs. He poked at Bucky’s arm. “How sensitive is this thing? Do you have delicate motor function or is it just a basic prosthetic? Do you have to do maintenance on it? Can you shower with it or do you have to take it off? Have you ever accidentally crushed a rubber duck?

“Oh, um—”

“Tony, that’s rude,” a studious man informed Stark as he sat down across the table from Steve. “Bruce Banner,” he supplied, when Bucky eyed him.

“He’s Darcy’s favorite,” Clint added, warily glancing into the kitchen. “Never gets into any trouble.”

“You could do to take a leaf out of Bruce’s book, Clint Barton,” she told him, passing a cup of tea and a muffin across the table to Bruce.

Bucky, his stomach full (which was quite a feat given his super soldier metabolism), sat back and watched the Avengers Family bicker lovingly. After what he’d been through, he could hardly believe he was here. Even if it was a dream, it was a good dream, and he decided to hold onto it for as long as he could.

He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> Have another HP scene you think would be hilarious MCU-ized? Let me know!
> 
> [Reblog on tumblr](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com/post/145664283673/bucky-barnes-and-the-tower-of-superheroes)
> 
> Tumblr: [catrinasl](http://catrinasl.tumblr.com)
> 
> Twitter: [@Catrina_SL](http://twitter.com/Catrina_SL)


End file.
